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What do you hear if you take a construction worker’s hat off and hold it to your ear? The OSHA.

Why did the construction worker cross the road?
To get to the other site.

Why did the cement mixer cross the road? 
To get to the other slab.

Why couldn't the wall answer the door?
It was too plastered.

Why did the man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.

What do you call a room full of cynical plumbers? 
A skeptic tank.

Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. For instance, drilling a large hole is boring, but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting.

My dad encouraged me to take a job in highway construction... But I decided not to go down that road.

What do you call a snake with a hard hat?
A boa constructor.

A home owner hires a handyman to paint his fence on a hot summer's day. A little later he looks out the window to see the handyman with a brush in his hand wearing two parkas. Puzzled, he goes outside and asks him why he's wearing them in the hot sun, and the handyman shows him the instructions on the can of paint, which read: “For best results, put on two coats.”

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site… but when I got home, all the signs were there.

What did the construction worker say to the lumber?
“You wood be perfect for this job.”